Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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