I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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