Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
