No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
