I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
