She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
