Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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