I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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