I wanna bring you to show and tell
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Every concussion has its silver lining
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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