I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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