Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
