my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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