we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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