im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The adults are the big ones right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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