he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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