it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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