Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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