his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
