Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
