i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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