I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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