I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
