OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
