My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
