tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
