dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
