Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
