From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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