I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
