I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
