Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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