Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
