i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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