I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
