Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
