You can't special order awesome
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
