that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
