its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
