was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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