dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
