Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
