you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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