Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm at about main and main street
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
