how can u be prego again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
