how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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