some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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