I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i've created a new STD.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
