you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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