We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
