i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
