I am puke
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
