I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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