How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
