your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
