I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Alive.
So much puke
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
