This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
