dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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