this boner is exhausting
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
