I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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