So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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