I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
