his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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