I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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