Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
