The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
