somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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