Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
